Something Old, Something New

Something Old, Something New
Something Borrowed, Something Blue

I was thinking about old wedding customs today. I'm helping a friend prepare an engagement party to celebrate her upcoming nuptials and I wanted to give her something special.
I reflected on my own marriage, which definitely feels like a mix of something old and something new.
As I write this, my (step) daughter Delaney keeps interrupting me with variations of, "Miko, I want _________..." I've only written five sentences in the past two hours...She asked to stay home from school because she's sick. I don't know if she's fever sick or just sick of school. In any case, she wants me to entertain her and fetch her things...soda, kleenex, water, medicine, another blanket, the remote control. She wants to venture out of the house...She wants another book to read...she wants to be the center of my attention.
The kids are doing a great job at knocking the self-centered nature out of me. I can't make a decision without considering the impact on their lives. My schedule revolves around theirs. I know in the spiritual realm of things, this is a good thing. And I love them. But it's also my greatest struggle. Sometimes I feel like the core of who I really am is slipping away in this quicksand of blended family life.
Thankfully, a facet of my marriage still feels new to me. I feel unbelievably loved by my husband and his affirming words always remind me of my worth. He always tells me he loves me more and more every day...And he's so grateful God redeemed and restored his broken family in His perfect way, even though it sometimes plays out messily in our lives.
Today I'm meeting with a friend to pray for our marriages. I do feel that Satan attacks families and he's tried several times to break mine apart, but we can't let him be victorious in destroying the blessings the Lord so lavishly provides.
With that said, I've gotta go...Delaney's screaming for my attention.

Women 2 Women

The Christmas season is in full swing, but this year my wish list is short and my gratitude list is long. Topping my list of things to be thankful for is a group of women who make me feel like I'm right where I belong.

As I celebrated my first Thanksgiving with my new extended family, my new sisters-in-law made me feel like I was right at home. We bonded over early bird specials after Turkey Day...and celebrated shopping deals and the steals we got in our husbands. It was the standout of the weekend for me...along with my gorgeous baby niece! I can't wait to take her shopping!

I would not be able to stay afloat without the love and support of the women in my small group at church...who've seen me through the lowest point of my life and celebrated the highs...And I've only known my new group of female church friends for a few months but they're like sisters to me and I've bared my soul with them and listened to their hearts...They're on my prayer list every night.

I miss my mother terribly...She's my greatest human source of encouragement and the distance between us makes me heartsick...But having such a fabulous mother-in-law nearby is unbelievably comforting...

My husband may be my top priority in the way I live out my daily life, but without the love and support of so many women, I wouldn't be much good to him or myself for that matter.

good-night hugs

I meet with a group of women from church every other Tuesday night to chat about the Lord and life and we just simply share our hearts. Our evening chit-chats often spill late into the night, which means I miss out on tucking my bonus daughter into bed. Tonight I rolled in at about 10:15...and I just barely put my bag down when I saw Delaney race down the stairs out of the corner of my eye. She jumped straight into my outstretched arms and said, "I was getting tired waiting up for you. I wanted to say good-night. You stayed out later than usual." My heart melted that she'd fight sleep just to give me a good-night hug. I tucked her into bed and she asked me to snuggle with her until she fell asleep. I kissed her stuffed animals good-night and just before she dozed off, she said, "Good-night. I love you." I love her, too.

bonus blessings

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it."
--Proverbs 22:6

Life as it stands today looks far different than it did a year ago. Women wear many hats in the course of a lifetime but I never imagined I'd don the hat of step-mom. My husband enjoys joint custody of his two kids from a previous marriage and consequently they dominate a big portion of my life. The biological bond may not exist and sometimes I'm stressed by the added responsibilities... but the love connection between us is intense.
About a week ago, my bonus daughter Delaney asked me not to introduce her as my step-daughter. She insisted, "I hate the word step! I promise not to call you my step-mom if you don't call me your step-daughter. I'm just your daughter. And you're my second mom. My Miko Mom." Her desire to remove barriers that would preclude us from truly being family moved my heart.
My bonus son is five-years-old and not nearly as verbal as his sister. But sometimes I get glimpses of his heart. One morning the kids woke up after spending the night on the floor of my bedroom. Max cannon-balled into my bed to give me a hug and shared with me what he'd like to do that day. I told him I had to do some job hunting and he asked, "Why do you have to work? You can just be a mom." I said, "Well, I'm just your step-mom. I need another job." He said, "You're not a step-mom. You're our Miko Mom!"
I love the kids. A couple of nights ago, Delaney heard her father and I fighting and it frightened her to tears. We prayed about it, apologized, and I laid in bed with her for a good 30 minutes before she dozed off. She said she was scared we'd divorce and she wouldn't see me again.
Aside from being with my husband, the most precious part of my evenings involve tucking Delaney into bed. We have a ritual. We share a funny story from our past, we talk about the Lord, things we're afraid of and things that happened during the day and what we need to pray for. We blow kisses to each other and retire for the evening.
Whether she knows it or not, she's really stepped up my relationship with the Lord. She has a powerful prayer life that chases away bad dreams and always has a question about heaven I'm not equipped to answer. I always remind her she's precious to the Lord and to me. She just is.

my sweet husband

By the time the clock struck 6 in my home, I was beat from working, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. I was about to collapse on the couch when my husband walked in the door, plopped a wet kiss on my lips and exclaimed, "Dearhart! I'm so happy to see my beautiful wife!" My low energy instantly kicked up. I cooked up basil buttered Tilapia with lemon garlic pasta for dinner. Jeff raved, "This dinner is delicious. I'm happily surprised you're so good in the kitchen! I love you so much." I glory in being Jeff's wife. I love caring for my husband who makes me feel loved and appreciated and always desirable.

At times I'll flip on the TV and feel dismayed that my broadcast dreams may be on the back-burner for the long haul, but I'd exchange the admiration of strangers for the steady stream of love from my sweet husband any day.