Happy Birthday Delaney!

Today we celebrated Delaney's 9th year of life! Before I tucked her in, Laney exclaimed, "I think this was my best birthday ever! There wasn't a gift I didn't like and I loved my dinner!"
Mom Hopkins researched the meaning behind the name "Delaney"...the significance being "offspring of the challenger" or "angel from heaven." She wrote in Laney's birthday card that: "Rebellion does not have to be part of your life. By putting your faith in God, instead of going your own way you can live a life that honors God and blesses others. You can be God's messenger or "angel from heaven."
Well, this earth angel got to do pretty much whatever she wanted on her special day.

She asked for hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate chips and that's what she got!

Her grammy also created a lovely birthday creation of a toy shark surrounded by cupcakes topped with white frosting and rainbow sprinkles...on a blue platter like the ocean and "goldfish" crackers swimming all around.

Of course her celebration was not complete without a birthday hug from her baby cousin, Brielle.

Shark was definitely the theme of this birthday. Laney got a shark poster made by her own father--didn't Jeff do a great job? She also got a shark tote bag, shark books, & a shark DVD documentary.

Her grammy and grandpa spoiled her with tons of gifts...two cool new outfits, a shark necklace, and countless books!

Of course, in the Hopkins family no celebration is complete without singing hymns! Jeff snapped this unflattering photo but it captured a moment. Laney chose to sing "Silent Night" even though we're entering spring!

Delaney is happily listening to her new MP3 player, which Mom Hopkins called the shock of the evening that Jeff would buy it for her! But she's been such a good girl this year and developing so fast into a young lady.

Boys vs. Girls

"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'" --Mark 10:6
It's fascinating for me to observe the differences between Max and Laney. It's a (generally) enjoyable process to watch their lives unfold and witness their development as people growing into their own.

Max is especially learning to have a distinct style separate from Laney as opposed to just blindly following his big sister all the time. He loves roller blading. He always asks me to hold his hand as I'm jogging so that he can fly down the street. When he falls he doesn't even cry--he just picks himself up and wants to do it again.

Laney can be a daredevil herself but she's a lot more cautious than Max. Jeff & I took the kids hiking in the Farmdale Reservoir in East Peoria yesterday. It's a mountain biker's dream with great vertical distances and steep hills. We walked up several steps to a scenic point and Jeff challenged the kids to roll down the hill. It looked frightening. Max enthusiastically rolled all the way down...while Laney took one look at the bottom and just couldn't do it.
On the way back, Jeff walked along the staircase railing on a downhill slope. It freaked me out. Max followed suit and I told him to get down but Jeff said, "He's fine. Let him go!" Laney freaked out, too, and yelled, "You better get down from there--you could really hurt yourself!"
It's a wonder that the Lord created genders to be so distinct and meant for us to pair up (in part) to balance the other. It's good to take risks and be brave...but also to be cautious and calculate the safety factor. It's good to engage in physical play but also to nurture our feelings. I have to constantly remind myself in my marriage (especially when I don't feel understood) that men and women really are different and that's not such a bad thing. We just have to honor the way the Lord created us uniquely to understand the other person in hopes of achieving a true partnership.

GPS Guidance

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." --Psalm 119:105
My parents rented a high-tech Toyota RAV4 to take them around Illinois during their stay. I was especially taken with the built-in GPS system. It offers clear-cut directions to just about any destination of your choice. Even if you decide to take a detour, it'll quickly recalculate your route to make sure you reach your destination. It's brilliant. I have to believe that's how the Lord operates, too. A friend recently commented that she feels enslaved by the choices she's made in her life. That phrase rung through my head and weighed down my heart as I said good-bye to my family this week. I made some pretty big choices in my life followed by lasting consequences...The route to my destination seemed so simple at the start but it was quickly complicated by the many twists and turns of my choosing. Of course I collected many blessings along the way but sometimes I feel a little lost in my life. It's hard for me to hear the voice of God calling me in a certain direction while I navigate a terrain that is entirely foreign to me. But I've got to hang onto the hope that the Lord hears my petitions and will keep me on course if I offer a listening ear. Jeff always reminds me that our life will be wonderful and purposeful if we seek the guidance of God. I've got to believe that's true.

Clean Sweep

There's nothing quite as sweet as enjoying the company of your parents in your home...and kicking back as they reorganize your life & kitchen cabinets, vacuum and sweep the floors, help cook meals, and do your laundry.

My mother was appalled by my lack of organization. She hopped on a stool and reorganized the spice cabinet. I thoroughly enjoyed having my parents visit with us. I wish they could stay here!

Actually, my step-father said he considered purchasing property in Peoria since I was based here...He even checked out real estate before flying here, but the cold weather and lack of scenery changed his mind, unfortunately! They're content in their Hawaii condo, which means I'll have to extend my stay on the islands to enjoy more family time.

Stepmom Rules

*I saw this article in O Magazine and it just rang so true for me, I thought I'd post it here. Women at church often inquire about the difficulties of step-parenting. I'm so lucky my step-kids are easy to love and we enjoy a wonderful relationship but it also has its share of pitfalls that traditional parenting is free of.
My step-father is very sensitive to the many thankless sacrifices my mother makes for his own two kids and is sure to compensate her on Mother's Day!

It's been said that parenting is the toughest job in the world. Wrong. It's the second toughest: Stepparenting wins hands down.
As far as hard jobs go, it's up there with air-traffic controller and crane operator. Stepmothers preside over a minefield of hidden hurts, half-concealed traditions and occasional tugs-of-war. Want the job?
Right now, approximately half of all Americans live in a stepfamily, which means that every day, millions of women are subject to the taunt -- sometimes mournful, often angry --"You're not my mother!"
I know, from hard-won experience, that a great relationship with your stepkids is possible. And if you avoid certain trapdoors like the 12 verboten phrases here, you'll not only get along, but you'll never have to ask them to pick up their socks.
1. "Go ahead, call me Mom!"

You're not their mother, and you never will be. They're conflicted enough, and pushing them to use a mom-name will only confuse them more.

Corollary: "We're going to be one big, happy family!"

You might eventually become the happiest of stepfamilies, but it won't happen overnight. Studies show the new family dynamic takes at least three years to fall into place, and the first year is the toughest.

2. "Feel free! Do whatever you want."

Almost as much as they need love, children need boundaries and are adrift without rules. Learn to say (not scream, please) the phrase, "In this house, we ...," so that time together will not be bogged down with endless negotiations.

Corollary: "Let's get down!"

No matter how close in age you are to your stepchildren, you're still a parent figure; try to be an example of mature living and not "one of the gang." This is especially true if your stepkids belong to that group of psychotics euphemistically known as teenagers. Chances are they won't think you're cool for very long.

3. "I'll get it," "I'll drive," "I'll wash it," "Forget about me," etc.

Don't let your stepkids (or their father) turn you into the creature everyone in the world resents: a martyr. Martyrs make people feel creepy and guilty, and when kids feel that way, they generally act out. You're better off being wicked.

4. "Why the long face?"

Your stepchildren are allowed to be sad -- they're in mourning. Let them grieve if and when they feel like it. Sorry, but they probably will grieve more around you, since you're the evidence that their parents are never getting back together. Don't call attention to their sorrow; remove yourself, and get Dad to be a mom at this point. Their depression will pass --they're kids.

5. "Your dad and I always ... "

Don't allude to the great times you have with their father when they're not around. They already feel left out and probably imagine the two of you tossing your heads back laughing, spending wads of money, and throwing Ring Ding wrappers on the floor. If you want to give them a positive image of a loving couple, just be a loving couple.

6. "Did your mother bring you up to do that?"

Never bad-mouth the ex -- and your husband (or partner) shouldn't either, even if the fur is still flying. Studies show that it's the ongoing conflict after divorce that hurts kids the most.

Corollary: "How could you have married such an idiot?"

Don't stand next to him when he's on the phone with his ex, making faces and sticking your finger down your throat. Fighting about the ex -- call it the 'ex hex' -- is the equivalent of having a stink bomb thrown into your marriage.

7. "Have you always done that?"

Families have traditions that are meaningful to them. So if your husband and his children insist on watching "Hogan's Heroes" reruns, putting mayo on hot dogs, collecting rubber bands, or anything else you find distasteful, just keep your mouth shut.

8. "Your room is a pigsty!"

Something's got to give, and neatness should be it. If the situation is desperate and the kids are growing subspecies in their space, get Dad to go in there and organize a cleanup. Life is messy, and it's even messier when you choose a man with children. But remember: It's better to have a man with kids than one without kids who flosses his cat's teeth.

9. "Well, my kids and I ... "

If you have kids of your own who live with you and your husband, your stepkids may feel like they're getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop. Mentioning trips, restaurants and the fun stuff you did the weekend they were with their mom feeds the illusion that your children are getting more. Be clear that there are no favorites and everything is even between both sets of kids.

10. "What's the matter, never heard of thank you?"

Don't become a stepparent expecting gratitude. (Don't become a parent expecting it, either.) While you shouldn't tolerate rudeness, choose your battles carefully. Kids generally don't have the best manners; they get preoccupied and forego social niceties. Don't be petulant; you're the grown-up.

11. "We're not made of money, you know."

Their father's primary motivation is guilt. (Come to think of it, that's his secondary one as well.) Dad is guilty, the ex is angry, the battle is on, and money is the weapon. Stay out of the fight, work out a family budget, and don't discuss finances in front of the children.

12. "It's them or me."

It will always have to be them. Your stepchildren are jealous of you. But admit it, you're jealous of them too. If you make it a battlefield, this is a battle you'll lose.

Corollary: "Wake me when it's over."

Rather than enduring the time you spend with his kids, enjoy it. They're never really going to go away, even if you stay under the radar. Intimacy may be a long time coming, but, like so many other situations in life, you've just got to put in the time. Granted, it's a complicated dynamic, but the Beatles were right: "The love you make is equal to the love you take." Or is it the other way around?