Monday, July 11, 2011
Memor
7/11/2011
Memor: the Latin word for grateful defined as: mindful, remembering, prudent.
I've been the recipient of so much love and grace this past week. Amid my present state of pain, my heart is overflowing with gratitude for good friends and family. When I was healthy, I took for granted the fabulous support system I have. I'm thankful for friends who've dropped off meals so that I don't have to cook, I'm relieved that I can count on a select few people to pamper my son when I'm unable to provide him adequate care, and droves of friends have sent messages of encouragement and prayer support. For that I am so grateful.
For an on-the-go girl like me, it's hard to be still. But I've been forced into a state of stillness and given an opportunity to take an honest look at my life. Are my relationships authentic? Am I investing in things of eternal importance? Would I rather be right or would I rather have peace?
I'll be honest. I've stood my ground in my blended family situation on many occasions because I believed I was in the right. Still do. :) And I'm a real justice-oriented person who believes in fairness. But frankly at this point in my life, I'm going to try to choose peace over being right. Not because I want to give up and be a push-over. But because life is tenuous and short. And I'd really rather spend my good days enjoying peace of mind and peace of heart. I want to live in that state of grace. Having gratitude for the rich relationships I have, grateful for another day to serve the Lord, and just having gratitude for my life, however messy it can be.
I've been the recipient of so much love and grace this past week. Amid my present state of pain, my heart is overflowing with gratitude for good friends and family. When I was healthy, I took for granted the fabulous support system I have. I'm thankful for friends who've dropped off meals so that I don't have to cook, I'm relieved that I can count on a select few people to pamper my son when I'm unable to provide him adequate care, and droves of friends have sent messages of encouragement and prayer support. For that I am so grateful.
For an on-the-go girl like me, it's hard to be still. But I've been forced into a state of stillness and given an opportunity to take an honest look at my life. Are my relationships authentic? Am I investing in things of eternal importance? Would I rather be right or would I rather have peace?
I'll be honest. I've stood my ground in my blended family situation on many occasions because I believed I was in the right. Still do. :) And I'm a real justice-oriented person who believes in fairness. But frankly at this point in my life, I'm going to try to choose peace over being right. Not because I want to give up and be a push-over. But because life is tenuous and short. And I'd really rather spend my good days enjoying peace of mind and peace of heart. I want to live in that state of grace. Having gratitude for the rich relationships I have, grateful for another day to serve the Lord, and just having gratitude for my life, however messy it can be.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Welcome to my world
7/10/2011
My bones are on fire. It's 5am on a Saturday. Normally I sleep in until 10 but on this day, a radiating pain from the tips of my toes to my fingertips startles me awake. I crawl to the bathroom. The pain in my joints won't let me crawl. I lay still as glass in the hallway, half hoping my husband hears my plaintive cries for help. I think about my son in the next room. The most important thing I have ever done and will ever do is nurture his precious life. I desperately want to get healthy so that I can be the mom I want to be. I think of my husband. The vows "in sickness and in health" take on a whole new meaning when you're sick. I'm glad I married a man who takes his marriage vows seriously. I think of my friends who've lovingly cared for my son in my absence, those who've dropped off meals so that I don't have to cook, and those who've offered words of encouragement and support. I love my friends. I'm grateful and humbled to be rendered helpless by pain. I'm praying for healing, for answers and for the courage to face whatever comes my way.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
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